Fat White Vampire
4 primary works • 5 total works
Book 1
Vampire, nosferatu, creature of the night—whatever you call him—Jules Duchon has lived (so to speak) in New Orleans far longer than there have been drunk coeds on Bourbon Street. Weighing in at a whopping four hundred and fifty pounds, swelled up on the sweet, rich blood of people who consume the fattiest diet in the world, Jules is thankful he can’t see his reflection in a mirror. When he turns into a bat, he can’t get his big ol’ butt off the ground.
What’s worse, after more than a century of being undead, he’s watched his neighborhood truly go to hell—and now, a new vampire is looking to drive him out altogether. See, Jules had always been an equal opportunity kind of vampire. And while he would admit that the blood of a black woman is sweeter than the blood of a white man, Jules never drank more than his fair share of either. Enter Malice X . Young, cocky, and black, Malice warns Jules that his days of feasting on sisters and brothers are over. He tells Jules he’d better confine himself to white victims—or else face the consequences. And then, just to prove he isn’t kidding, Malice burns Jules’s house to the ground.
With the help of Maureen, the morbidly obese, stripper-vampire who made him, and Doodlebug, an undead cross-dresser who (literally) flies in from the coast—Jules must find a way to contend with the hurdles that life throws at him . . . without getting a stake through the heart. It’s enough to give a man the blues.
Book 2
What’s a vampire to do? Without the love of a woman to ease his pain, Jules isn’t convinced that his undead life is worth living. He doesn’t desire Doodlebug (she may be a woman now but Jules knew her back when she was just a boy) any more than he longs for Daphne, a rat catcher who nourishes a crush the size of Jules. No, only Maureen will do. Once a beautiful stripper with nothing but curve after curve to her bodacious body, now she is mere dust in a jar. But Jules will move heaven and earth to get her back . . . even if it means pulling her back from the dead.
Book 3
Hurricanes and vampires and superheroes... oh, my!
Following the events of Bride of the Fat White Vampire and The Bad Luck Spirits' Social Aid and Pleasure Club, Jules Duchon and his vampiric family suffer through Hurricane Antonia's devastating floods. In an emptied city, where will they get their blood? Salvation arrives from a highly unlikely source: a trio of Japanese superheroes working with the International Red Cross. But the help of Bonsai Master, Anime Girl, and Cutie-Scary Man comes with a bedeviling price. The blood donated by the three superheroes proves to have highly unpredictable effects on its imbibers. Before they know it, Maureen is transformed into her worst, weightiest nightmare, Jules' mother cleans up Fraternity Row as a human vacuum cleaner, and Jules terrorizes the French Quarter as the meanest, horniest Easter Bunny ever! Chaos ensues in the best tradition of the Fat White Vampire series!
Book 4
