Retief
13 total works
Against a raging backdrop of interplanetary intrigue.
This time the resourceful officer of the Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne must deal with horrors unknown as he hunts the universe for a stolen ballet theatre.
The courageous Terran must fight the five-eyed Groaci, outwit the ferocious Tsuggs, and reason with the talking flowers he finds in the midst of his dangerous mission.
But in spite of all this, in the face of the vagaries of alien plots and the wild ambitions of his superiors, Retief remains strong and unshakable - and in peaceful and just control of the galaxy!
THE CORPS DIPLOMATIQUE TERRESTRIENNE HAS NEVER SEEN HIS LIKE...
Retief - the most diplomatic diplomat of the 27th century.
His mission: to gain control of the most desirable planet in the universe - without triggering intergalactic war.
He tries talking ... but how does anyone - even Retief - negotiate with an uninhabited planet?
He tries a dice game ... but how does gambling help the solar peace organization prevent the malevolent Basurans (who've eaten their own planet) from turning to Terra's prize colony for an after-dinner snack?
The problems Retief faces are just beginning, but as insurmountable as they seem, the indomitable adventurer prevails - and keeps the state of the universe on an even keel!
It's a rare day when Terrans meet eye-to-eyestalk with the slimy little sticky-fingers - er, that is to say, the noble alien Groaci. This time the races clash on the planet Popu-Ri, once the home of a mighty interstellar power. Popu-Ri has sunk into decline...but its ancient treasures remain. Though not for long, if the Groaci have their way.
Groaci also finds Popu-Ri just the place to build a galactic warfleet. Still, for the Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne to respond would threaten the delicate balance of human/Groaci forces on the cocktail circuit. Therefore the ambassador must keep the lid on by doing nothing. But how to do nothing without seeming an inneffectual pantywaist? Send an observer!
Yep, the Ambassador has it all figured out. But he made one little mistake; he sent Retief...
Retief's latest assignment is on Zany-Doo, a wild, undeveloped planet whose residents have a marked dislike for Terrans. The caterpilleroid natives seem to have something to hide, but neither Ambassador Spoilsport nor Retief's ineffable boss, Ben Magnan, can figure out what it might be. Then Retief and Magnan stumble into an idyllic enclave unlike anything else they've seen - and realize just how special Zany-Doo is. The planet is at the center of a trans-temporal flux where the very nature of reality can be transformed by a thought.
But even in a world where reality is subject to whim, honor, courage and determination will carry the day. After all, Retief is just a state of mind...
Retief returns - to make the galaxy safe for diplomacy!
The diplomat extraordinaire faces his ultimate challenge on the embattled planet Furtheron - to keep the peace and keep himself in one piece!
Voracious Crawlie cannibals want him for dinner - while the wily Creepies are besieging Earth's embassy. Then greedy Groacians add fuel to the fire, igniting civil war for their own secret ends.
Only a rare diplomat can pull his Corps out of this stew, save his boss's hide, and preserve the future of the Galaxy!
PLANET AFTER PLANE FELL TO THE REE
A vast and powerful race, the Ree needed breeding room for an ever-increasing population - and their expansion plans took no account of human territory. The farmers and miners of Tip Space were helpless against the Ree invasion. Still the Terran diplomats dithered, holding back the Navy, hoping for a truce.
Retief, already on probation for undiplomatic behaviour, earned himself the assignment parleying with the Ree when he urged force against them. A suicide mission? Perhaps...but Retief is Retief.
Ambassador to Space: Seven Incidents of the Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne
by Keith Laumer
How are thing on Rockamorra? Bad, very. Earth Ambassador Pinchbottle has contracted to fight a dinosaur, and it's up to troubleshooter Jame Retief to keep him from being stomped, mangled, or eaten.
Things are tough on other planets, too, with a civil war on Skweem, a dying race om Sulinore, and mudstorms on Schweinhund's World.
These seven stories show the Galaxy's hippest diplomat at his unexpected and jaunty best.
Lumbaga is a planet without known virtues - but with some decidedly odd natives. For every Lumbagan is simply an arbitrary assortment of semi-independent organs inspired by a lust for mayhem.
But even the most undesirable chunk of galactic real estate attracts its quota of rival overlords, and the fiendish Groaci had a scheme for absorbing Lumbaga into their sphere of influence. It was working well, too, until it involved Retief, Terran diplomat extraordinary. To his powerful intellect, the machinations of the Groaci were child's play...
Retief is an officer of the distinguished Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne, a supra-national organization devoted to keeping the peace - or more accurately, to maintaining a state of tension short of armed conflict.
Retief is not exactly in the mainstream of current Galactic diplomacy, as expounded by such giants of the C.D.T. as Crodfoller, Hidebinder, Straphanger, and his own immediate superior, Magnan. Deviously sincere, uncompromisingly venal, fearlessly cowardly, these great, dedicated public servants will seem curiously familiar as they strive to keep the peace seven hundred years in the future.
But when Retief's on the scene things have a way of coming right in the end...
Contents:
Ultimatum
Saline Solution
The Brass God
The Castle of Light
Wicker Wonderland
Native Intelligence
The Prince and the Pirate
Courier
Protest Note
The twenty-seventh century planet of Quopp is a world where Earthmen walk cautiously or not at all. The inhabitants are weirdly diabolical creatures, possessing spoked-wheel limbs and sprouting steel-sharp talons.
Plans are afoot to place these singular beings under a single government friendly to Earth. But Jame Retief, officer of the distinguished Corps Diplomatique Teresstienne, a supra-national organization devoted to keeping the peace, has discovered that evil forces are undermining the whole scheme.
Deviously sincere, uncompromisingly venal, fearlessly cowardly, Retief goes to work against mounting planetary intrigue and more than once brings those around him to the brink of nervous collapse.