Before I Die

by Jenny Downham

Tessa has just a few months to live. Fighting back against hospital visits, endless tests, drugs with excruciating side-effects, Tessa compiles a list. It's her To Do Before I Die list. And number one is sex. Released from the constraints of 'normal' life, Tessa tastes new experiences to make her feel alive while her failing body struggles to keep up. Tessa's feelings, her relationships with her father and brother, her estranged mother, her best friend, her new boyfriend, all are painfully crystallized in the precious weeks before Tessa's time finally runs out. "Before I Die" is a brilliantly-crafted novel, heartbreaking yet astonishingly life-affirming. It will take you to the very edge.

• ISBN10: 0385613466
• ISBN13: 9780385613460
• Publish Date: 5 July 2007
• Publish Status: Out of Print
• Out of Print: 18 July 2012
• Publish Country: GB
• Imprint: David Fickling Books
• Format: Hardcover
• Pages: 336
• Language: English

Reviews

[ellieroth]

Hermoso libro, si es muy lacrimógeno, pero preciosa narración.
Sip, lloré

[notajammiedodger]

I didn't really enjoy Before I Die very much. I felt that I couldn't really connect with the characters. Tessa seemed very bitter and all round a little bit mean, I guess I can kind of see where some of it comes from. It wouldn't be easy being in her position, being so young with leukemia, but she just wasn't a very nice person.
Her best friend was also a little strange. She was very mean to Tessa a lot of the time. I just sort of felt that wouldn't you be nicer, and trying to enjoy every moment that you had with your terminally ill best friend?
So all in all I really didn't enjoy this book very much. But I liked Adam :)

This review is also on my blog The Confessions of a Book Nerd :)

[Jo]

I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing this book is. It's absolutely wonderful, simply heartbreaking, and just brilliant. Such a beautiful story!

Tessa is a character I am unbelievably in awe for. How someone so young is able to cope so well with being told they only have so long left to live is just beyond me. She's strong, she's brave, and she's just incredible. And she has a plan. A plan to live before she dies. She makes a mist of things she wants to do before she no longer can, and it makes me want to list.

The first few things on her list I weren't the biggest fan of. Either because they're things I disagree with or Tessa doesn't actually want to do, but feels like she should just so she can say she has. Where was the sky diving? Where was the swimming with dolphins? Drugs, casual sex and breaking the law... not really the first things I would have thought of. But she does them, and her story as she goes along is just so sad.

A lot of the things she wants to she does with her best friend Zoey. I really didn't like her. She seemed unsupportive, a bad influence, and quite selfish. She got a little better towards the end, but she was always criticising Tessa and what/how she did things. I really wanted Tessa to just give her the elbow and try doing things on her own. I think she may have enjoyed things a little more if she did.

I cannot tell you how awful it was to read about Tessa's family trying to deal with Tessa's imminent death. Her Dad was in denial, yet wanted Tessa to be careful. Her younger brother was a typical younger brother, but also really scared and upset. Her Mum didn't know what to do with herself. No-one really coped too well. It was difficult to read the arguments between Tessa and her Dad, because you cn understand Tessa wanting to get out there and live, but you can also understand her Dad not wanting her to do anything that will bring her death date closer. And there really wasn't anything her Dad could do, and he knew it. So, so sad.

Adam, the love interest of the story, is just amazing. He is just so sweet, and he does all these little things to try and help Tessa tick items off her list. He's such a sweetheart, and he tries so hard. But I kind of almost didn't want Tessa to end up with someone. It just didn't seem fair; you know how this story is going to end, and sure, Tessa is allowed some happiness, but it just felt a little selfish of her, he would be left behind. I was almost crying when they got it together. And this quote really got me:

'I know I look like a pile of bones covered in cling film. I see the shock of it in Adam's eyes.
"Not quite how you remembered me, eh?"
He leans down and kisses me on the cheek. "You're gorgeous."
(p279)

I cried like a baby over the last few chapters. So much I could hardly see what I was reading. It was just excruciating, and the way Downham wrote those chapters was just so well done. In the end, it felt like Tessa was someone I knew, and I mourned when she died. At some points, I was so wrapped up in the story, it felt like I was the one who was dying, and wanted less to complete my own bucket list, the things that I had thought of that I wanted to do, but to relish every small thing. I received a text from a mate while I was reading saying he was just saying on the sofa, and I just so wanted to do the same myself, like I hadn't done it in years. Just something small that would be so good. That was pretty much what Tessa was doing. It made me so happy to be alive, and want to notice things more, take less for granted.

Before I Die may just be the most amazing book I've ever read. Simply brilliant. Cannot wait to read more by Downham.

From Once Upon a Bookcase - YA book blog

I hated this book. I hated the main character. The topic was sad and depressing.

I read If I Stay by Gayle Forman just before this and it was amazing. It broke my heart. I was literally sobbing my way through most of it. It was sad and horribly depressing but there was hope and happiness and love and none of that was in this book.

Tessa is a bitch. Yes, she's dying. But she's horrible. Too horrible. Pass the boundaries of me caring. Yes, maybe I'm horrible. The plot was weak. The relationships with her family and the love interest were meh. Yes it was tragic and overwhelmingly sad but it was also just bad. I pushed through but it was a struggle to finish. 1 star.