I Am Here Now

by Barbara Bottner

Maisie is about to turn sixteen and her grandmother and brother Davy are only sometime allies in a very tumultuous household, with an abusive mother and a cheating father. Maisie struggles with friendship, her growing sexuality, and with her future—she wants to be an artist but her mother isn't supportive.
Most of all, Maisie is struggling to discover herself—who she is and what she wants. In a home that tells her she is worth nothing, Maisie uses her creativity to draw a brighter future for herself, one where she is fully realized.
As heartbreaking as it is inspiring, Cellophane Girl is unafraid to show the messy parts of growing up, while revelling in the passion of young friendship, first love, sexuality, and art.

• ISBN10: 125020769X
• ISBN13: 9781250207692
• Publish Date: 1 September 2020
• Publish Status: Active
• Out of Print: 5 October 2021
• Publish Country: US
• Imprint: Imprint
• Format: Hardcover
• Pages: 352
• Language: English

Reviews

[shannonmiz]

You can find the full review and all the fancy and/or randomness that accompanies it at It Starts at Midnight

1.5*

This book was supposed to come out in May, but is now scheduled to publish in August. Since I wasn’t a fan and this is not exactly a glowing recommendation, I figured it didn’t much matter if I posted early. I considered not bothering, but then kind of felt like if I slogged through, I might as well.

This is a very character-driven story, and I didn’t like the main character from the start. I had hoped she’d grow a lot during the course of the book, hence the character-drivenness. Unfortunately, that didn’t really happen. She became a bit more self aware, but only after making people loathe her so much they screamed her faults at her. And here’s the thing: Her life is fairly awful. Her parents are complete trash (her mom is absolutely abusive) and she’s wildly unpopular, and so you do feel sorry for her. But then at some point, we’re all responsible for our own actions, right? Being from a bad home doesn’t really give you license to treat others terribly.

The story is set in the 1960s, but aside from some historical mentions, feels like it could be anywhen. Perhaps that’s the point, but I would have enjoyed more of a 60s feel personally. The main plot is Maisie meeting Rachel at school, and becoming enamored with both Rachel and her artist mom and finding that she herself is quite interested in art. Only… they’re all awful. Like yes Maisie is a mess, and she treats Rachel quite poorly, but let me assure you, Rachel isn’t exactly Miss Congeniality either. And Rachel’s mom acts more like a child than the children in the story, so she’s a mess. So to recap, every single person Maisie has contact with is awful, Maisie included. I do like Maisie’s brother, though that kid doesn’t stand a chance being cooped up with these messes. Ditto Maisie’s friend Richie. He was actually sympathetic and liked Maisie for whatever reasons I cannot fathom. But his father was also abusive, and again, he seemed to be trapped in a terrible situation.

The art plot also takes a huge backseat to the messiness of Rachel and her mom. Where you see that there is a glimmer of hope that Maisie may find a mentor, a passion… well, let’s just say she finds more tragically awful people. Also, full disclaimer, I don’t really care too much about art so that is probably more on me, not the book. A lot of other messy character stuff happens but it would be spoilery to tell you, and I think you all get the gist.

Bottom Line: I know people can be messy, but not everyone is awful, right? But this book says they are, and left me with a very unhealthy feeling of pessimism about the decency of humanity in general. Oh and also nothing really happened.