Cocktails and Books
Written on Jul 28, 2013
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Caroline Reynolds has a fantastic new apartment in San Francisco, a Kitchen Aid mixer to die for, and no O (and we're not talking Oprah here, folks). She has a flourishing design career, an office overlooking the bay, a killer zucchini bread recipe, and no O. She has Clive (the best cat ever), great friends, a great rack, and no O. Adding insult to O-less, she also has an oversexed neighbour with the loudest late-night wallbanging she's ever heard. Every moan, spank, and-was that a meow?-punctuates the fact that not only is she losing sleep, she still has-yep, you guessed it-no O. Enter Simon Parker. When the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby-doll nightie, confronts her heard-but-never-seen neighbour. Their late-night hallway encounter has…well…mixed results. Because with walls this thin, the tension's gonna be thick. A delicious mix of silly and steamy, this is an irresistible tale of exasperation at first sight.
Could I spend a little more time trying to come up with a more clever name for Simon's penis? Probably. It deserved it. Mammoth Male Member? No. Pulsating Pillar of Passion? No. Back Door Bandit? Hell no. Wang? Sounded like the noise those doorstopper things made when you flicked 'em...
—Wallbanger, page 229
Would he notice if I licked his shoulder? Just the tiniest taste?
—Wallbanger, page 199
During month four of The Missing O, I'd started to talk to my O as though she were an actual entity. She felt real enough when she was rocking my world back in the day, but sadly, now that O had abandoned me, I wasn't sure I'd recognize her if I saw her.
—Wallbanger, page 4
I think O even popped her head up for a moment, like a groundhog. She took a quick glance around and pronounced it much closer to spring than she's been in months.
—Wallbanger, age 168
I peeked over the edge, I saw her. O. She waved at me, diving under and over the water like a sexual porpoise. Crafty little bitch.
—Wallbanger, page 282