First, Become Ashes

by K M Szpara

K. M. Szpara follows his explosive debut novel Docile with First, Become Ashes, a fantastic standalone adventure that explores self-discovery after trauma and outgrowing abusive origins over the course of an American road trip.

The Fellowship raised Lark to kill monsters.
His partner betrayed them to the Feds.
But Lark knows his magic is real, and he’ll do anything to complete his quest.

For thirty years, the Fellowship of the Anointed isolated its members, conditioning them to believe that pain is power. That magic is suffering. That the world beyond the fence has fallen prey to monsters. But when their leader is arrested, all her teachings come into question.

Those touched by the Fellowship face a choice: how will they adjust to the world they were taught to fear, and how will they relate to the cult's last crusader, Lark? For Kane, survival means rejecting the magic he and his lover suffered for. For Deryn, the cult's collapse is an opportunity to prove they are worth as much as their Anointed brother. For Calvin, lark is the alluring embodiment of the magic he's been seeking his entire life.

But for Lark, the Fellowship isn’t over. Before he can begin to discover himself and heal a lifetime of traumas, he has a monster to slay.

First, Become Ashes contains explicit sadomasochism and sexual content, as well as abuse and consent violations, including rape.

• ISBN10: 1250216184
• ISBN13: 9781250216182
• Publish Date: 6 April 2021
• Publish Status: Out of Stock
• Out of Print: 3 July 2023
• Publish Country: US
• Imprint: St Martin's Press
• Format: Hardcover
• Pages: 304
• Language: English

Reviews

[Quirky Cat]

K.M. Szpara, the author of Docile, is back again with a new novel: First, Become Ashes. It's another LGBT adventure that will almost certainly divide readers into two distinct groups.

Lark has spent most of his life training for a righteous quest, one that involved monsters and magic. Both he and his partner, Kane, were forced to wear cages in order to prepare for this quest. Cages that were supposedly designed to help bring out their inner magic.

Imagine Lark's surprise when the government raids the compound he knew as home, arresting the leader on multiple counts of abuse and assault. That was the moment that Lark's life changed in ways that will be impossible to understand fully.

“Kane looks like the hero he was meant to be. Humanity's savior. Ours.”

Once again, I find myself extremely conflicted, thanks to K.M. Szpara's writing. Docile left me uncomfortable and uncertain about the message it was trying to tell. Likewise, First, Become Ashes is a disconcerting read.

I understand and acknowledge that this was intentional on the author's part. There's a clear line of commentary that happens within these pages. My larger concern is that I'm not sure any of those thoughts or arguments are brought to completion. It feels like they're left hanging, with the moral of the story left unsaid. When dealing with such heavy subjects, that feels like a mistake; I'm sorry to say.

I do want to take a moment to discuss some of the trigger warnings that are in First, Become Ashes because they are numerous. Nearly every page feels worthy of a warning. There are constant scenes of abuse, both of the physical and psychological variety. This abuse crosses the line into torture on more than one occasion. Likewise, there's a significant amount of sexual trauma within these pages, involving assault, lack of consent, and many more highly disturbing scenes. Oh, I almost forgot some warnings. Yes, there are THAT many. There's also self-harm, cults, sadomasochistic violence. I think that covers it.

Long story short: I'm once again stuck on how to review First, Become Ashes. It's absolutely a story that many readers will love. It's also a story that so many will find triggering and uncomfortable, myself included. My advice would be to look up those warnings and make the best decision for you and your comfort levels.

Thanks to Tor.com and #NetGalley for making this book available for review. All opinions expressed are my own.

Check out more reviews over at Quirky Cat's Fat Stacks