How It Feels to Fly

by Kathryn Holmes

Sam has always known she'd be a professional dancer -- but that was before her body betrayed her, developing unmanageable curves in all the wrong places. Lately, the girl staring back at Sam in the mirror is unrecognizable. Dieting doesn't work, ignoring the whispers is pointless, and her overbearing mother just makes it worse. Following a series of crippling anxiety attacks, Sam is sent to a treatment camp for teens struggling with mental and emotional obstacles. Forced to open up to complete strangers, Sam must get through the program if she wants to attend a crucial ballet intensive later in the summer. It seems hopeless until she starts confiding in a camp counselor who sparks a confidence she was sure she'd never feel again. But when she's faced with disappointing setbacks, will Sam succumb to the insecurity that imprisons her?

• ISBN10: 0062387367
• ISBN13: 9780062387363
• Publish Date: 14 June 2016
• Publish Status: Active
• Publish Country: US
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
• Imprint: Collins
• Format: eBook
• Pages: 368
• Language: English

Reviews

[shannonmiz]

You can find the full review and all the fancy and/or randomness that accompanies it at It Starts at Midnight
4.5*

In How it Feels to Fly, we meet Sam. Sam is a dancer. At first glance, I assumed I'd never relate to Sam, because I am about the least coordinated person in ever. But oh, how wrong I was. See, as a swimmer with a non-swimmer body, I totally related to Sam. As a person who didn't feel comfortable in her own skin I related to Sam, and in about a billion other ways, I related to Sam. 

"'I'm angry at my brain for not being able to handle, like, life,' I finally spit out. 'For screwing up everything I care about. I am so, so mad at myself.'"

The thing is, Sam is a relatable character. You may not have the exact issues that she has, but you still cannot help but root for her, and want to understand her more. And all the characters at the camp were quite unique voices. They all had something different that first brought them to the camp, but they all had something to offer each other, which was nice.

I liked the focus on therapeutic situations. Not just actual therapy, but the whole tone of the camp in terms of trying to work through the fears and such were really great. There were fun moments in the book too, which balanced out some of the tougher ones. Sam is so, so hard on herself, and those moments lightened the tone, but in an appropriate way, not in an irreverent one.

"Jenna blinks at me. 'I'm sorry, did you just make a Nancy Kerrigan joke?' 'Too soon?'"

Sam's mom was a huge obstacle to her recovery. Not because she didn't care about Sam; she did. It was more that she had no idea how to be supportive in a non-judgmental way. And she was kind of too wrapped up in her own wants to realize the toll it was taking on Sam. Their relationship was a huge focus in the book, as it should have been.

This is not a romance-centered book, and that's really all I plan to say about that part of it. And I think that is actually a huge strength in this book, because inserting a big love story would have taken away from Sam's story and journey.

The only mild issue I had with the book came toward the end, so spoiler tags for everyone! Sam's mom just came around too easily. Not that it was complete rainbows and unicorns, but from experience, people don't change that quickly- certainly people as headstrong as Sam's mom. But overall, it was most definitely a huge, huge win.

Bottom Line: Je l’adore, clearly. Not only was it spot on in terms of mental health portrayal, it was a damn good story to boot.

*Copy provided by publisher for review
**Quotes taken from uncorrected proof, subject to change

[whisperingchapters]

This review was originally posted on Latte Nights Reviews.


I don't let anyone see what's happening inside my head. Not my friends, not my classmates, not my mom. It's a performance that never ends.

Being a ballet dancer is all Sam wants. When an inner voice starts putting negative thoughts in Sam's head about her body image, Sam starts to get paranoid about other people talking bad about her body. Having these contacts thoughts in her head take Sam to start having panic attacks until one day, others witness her breakdown and she gets sent to Perform at Your Peak camp, where she will meet other campers going through anxieties and a psychologist who will help her state of mind.
Ballet was my safest space. Then my body changed. [...] I couldn't stop thinking about everyone looking at me. [...] Before long, my nasty inner voice had more to say about me, and worse, than anyone else ever could.

Sam's story was...challenging. I could see myself in Sam a few years ago by having body image issues, going into anxiety mode because I would think people were talking bad about my body, and thinking so low of myself. The difference between Sam and I was that I never thought I was fat. I actually thought I was skinny, which I was, but I still struggled so much with my body. Sam's journey shook me to the core, especially her inner voice because I had that same inner voice for years and sometimes it still makes an appearance in my head.

Maybe you left pretty. But you weren't. You aren't. You never will be.

Sam went to the camp to help her lessen her panic attacks and her anxieties so she could be ready for the ballet summer intensive she wanted to attend. Being at camp was a struggle for her because she was under the constant watch of her fellow campers, peer advisers and the psychologist and one thing Sam really didn't like was people watching her eat, or simply just watching her. It made her feel so uncomfortable, but she couldn't really do much about it. Each camper had to perform certain challenges, related to their anxiety and I absolutely loved the way these were exposed in the story and I really believe they could be used in real life. The way Dr. Lancaster, the psychologist, handled every situation with care and professionalism reminded me of my own psychologist and just how caring she is. It also reminded me that there are some great psychologists in the world who really do care for their patients. Anyway, Dr. Lancaster never stepped out of line and was always ever-present in the process of getting better for each camper.

This story also showed the lives of the other campers from Sam's perspective. I thought these characters wouldn't have shown much depth, and boy was I wrong. The author had such a talent in going deep with each character, even from a perspective that wasn't there's. We have Katie, a gymnast who's the youngest of the group but with such a big heart and was always attentive to Sam's needs. Omar, a performer who was the follower of the group and most of the time went into anxiety mode whenever Sam had her episodes. Jenna, a figure skater who could relate the most to Sam. Dominic, a football player who was kind of cocky but would try to make light out of every situation and lastly Zoe, a tennis player whom I consider to be the ignorant of the group seeing as she was so insensitive to everyone's anxieties, but she was having a huge struggle with her family.

By the description, you would think this book is mostly about a ballet, and in a way it is because this revolves around Sam's life, a ballet dancer, but this is so much more than that. It goes above and beyond the Anxiety Disorder and Panic Attacks—it digs deep into the character and brings out the ugly, but ultimately gets transformed into something beautiful that gives hope.

Overall, How It Feels to Fly is a delightful, overwhelming, and eye-opening story about accepting yourself just the way you are and it reminds the readers that while recovery isn't easy, it can be achieved.

I received an eARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.This review was originally posted on Latte Nights Reviews.