remo
Written on Apr 22, 2019
Humor negro:
As he put the hat on the snowman, it came to life.
“Why do I exist?” it asked. “If I melt, do I die?”
“Whoops,” he said, and took the hat.
No one had come to his Halloween party. That or all his guests had dressed as ghosts, and their costumes were amazing.
“Will I always be unhappy?” he asked. The oracle plucked and peered at the threads of his fate. “No,” she said, “eventually you will die.”
“See? Faster is better,” said Hare, after easily winning the race. “Maybe. Rematch?” said Tortoise. “You’re on. When?” “In fifty years.”
Greguerías:
The dog’s tail wagged.
It was his tail’s job: to synchronize all nearby moods to the measure of his joy.
A metronome of happiness.
Reflexiones buenistas:
“People are still good, mostly,” she said. “Not from what I’m hearing,” he said. “Love is quieter than gunshots. But there’s more of it.”
And God said, “Let there be dog,” and there was dog. God saw that dog was good, and said, “Who’s a good dog?” And it was dog. Yes it was.
Humor (o intentos de humor)
Ownership is an illusion, the cat knew. Nothing is forever. They needed to learn. He began pushing another cup toward the table’s edge.
“Oh, but Grandma, what large eyes you have!” exclaimed Red. “Thank you?” “And what large EARS you have!” “This is getting super rude.”
“Can’t talk now, I’m driving,” I texted. “k, drive safe,” he replied. “I think you mean drive safely,” I typed as I veered off the bridge.
“Mom, I think there’s a monster in my closet!” said Jeremy. “Go to sleep, Jeremy,” she said. “Yeah, shut up Jeremy,” said the closet.
“Better to have loved and lost,” he said, “than never love at all.” “Is it?” she asked. “How so?” “Hm,” he said. “Well. Goodbye, anyhow.”
“I challenge you to a duel!” “Very well. The weapon?” “Compliments.” “A capital choice.” “Thank you, I– oh! I see you’ve dueled before!”
We scattered our signals across the cosmos, searching for life. When the reply came from the stars, it decoded to one word: “Unsubscribe.”
Humor basado en obras clásicas:
“How curious,” Alice said, “this bottle says ‘Drink Me’ on it!” And so she did, because apparently her parents had done a very poor job.
The rose on the mantle lost another petal. Time was running out, and the Beast had begun to panic. “I should just swipe everyone right.”
“Kiss me,” said the frog, “and I’ll turn into a prince!” The princess thought it over. “I don’t see the upside for me
“Well, I am rich where it counts: in friendship,” I said. Robin Hood, clearly disappointed, shoved my friends in his bag. “It’ll have to do.”
“Well you know, whenever one door closes, another opens,” he said. “Does it? What a strange house you have.” “We think it may be haunted.”
Reflexiones menos buenistas y más íntimas:
“I suppose this is goodbye.” “Maybe, but we’ll always have Rome.” “We never went to Rome.” “I know. Regrets last longer than memories.”
If time was a river, she felt like a skipped stone. Memories of touching here, here, here. Her flight too fast, too brief. Too soon sunk.
Humor con referencias no explícitas (es muy probable que más de una de ellas se me haya pasado por alto):
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one that my phone’s GPS said was shorter by two minutes. And that has made all the difference.
“But, Jesus,” the man said, “when I look back I see only one set of tracks.” “Those are train tracks,” Jesus said. “Stop walking on those.”
El libro se lee con una sonrisa. Aparezco entre los mecenas, lo cual le da puntos (a mis ojos, anyway).
Un últimi detalle: el autor usó uno de los textos, en los que el narrador le pide a la lectora que se case con él, para declararse de verdad a su mujer:
I did.
— A Small Fiction (@ASmallFiction) April 22, 2019