The Rules Do Not Apply

by Ariel Levy

A Time Top 10 Non-Fiction Book of 2017

A Vogue Top 10 Book of 2017

An Amazon.com Book of 2017 and an NPR Great Read of 2017

'Every deep feeling a human is capable of will be shaken loose by this short, but profound book' David Sedaris

'I wanted what we all want: everything. We want a mate who feels like family and a lover who is exotic, surprising. We want to be youthful adventurers and middle-aged mothers. We want intimacy and autonomy, safety and stimulation, reassurance and novelty, coziness and thrills. But we can't have it all.'

Ariel Levy picks you up and hurls you through the story of how she lived believing that conventional rules no longer applied - that marriage doesn't have to mean monogamy, that aging doesn't have to mean infertility, that she could be 'the kind of woman who is free to do whatever she chooses'. But all of her assumptions about what she can control are undone after a string of overwhelming losses.

'I thought I had harnessed the power of my own strength and greed and love in a life that could contain it. But it has exploded.'

Levy's own story of resilience becomes an unforgettable portrait of the shifting forces in our culture, of what has changed - and what never can.

• ISBN10: 034900529X
• ISBN13: 9780349005294
• Publish Date: 16 March 2017 (first published 14 March 2017)
• Publish Status: Withdrawn
• Out of Print: 29 March 2021
• Publish Country: GB
• Publisher: Little, Brown Book Group
• Imprint: Fleet
• Format: Hardcover
• Pages: 224
• Language: English

Reviews

[lovelybookshelf]

Levy's writing is lush, her phrasing beautiful in a way similar to Cheryl Strayed. Levy shares a deeply personal, harrowing experience with brutal honesty. She conveys exactly how she felt without mincing words. That's significant, because talking about miscarriage is still such a taboo. Her openness is sure to help readers understand what others go through.

That said, the memoir didn't feel cohesive overall. There were too many unconnected filler stories, and her privilege was painfully obvious time and time again.

Trans folks, heads up on chapter 9 for blatant transphobia. The way the author refers to and talks about her trans friend is shockingly disrespectful and problematic. I thought she might have included this chapter to show growth, but there was no followup whatsoever.