Bianca
Written on Aug 26, 2017
- ISBN10 1250075963
- ISBN13 9781250075963
- Publish Date 5 January 2016
- Publish Status Out of Print
- Out of Print 11 July 2021
- Imprint Thomas Dunne Book for St. Martin's Griffin
- Format Hardcover
- Pages 336
- Language English
Reviews
readingwithwrin
Written on Nov 27, 2016
See reviews first on my Blog
Mercedes is a young woman who has taken it upon herself to help the virgins in her high school. She things she is doing them a favor and that she has total control of the situation. And she does until everything starts going horribly wrong and her life starts falling apart around her. Despite what she was doing though for some reason I still felt for her as a character. Sure she was problematic and could have dealt with things better, but we all could. I'm not saying she isn't to blame though and what she did was wrong, but the other people involved also had a choice and she shouldn't have been the only one blamed.
This book is hard for me to rate for multiple reasons.
I found this book hard to read most of the time, but I also couldn't stop reading. I needed to know why she was doing this. Why she thought she was helping and what happened to make her need this type of control.
The reason why she does this is heartbreaking because no one should have to deal with what she did especially at such a young age all alone. She did a very grown up thing and took matters into her own hands and dealt with the fallout from it. Her way of coping with it though wasn't a good way and ended up causing her and many other people pain. But it wasn't just her fault and she shouldn't have been the only one blamed. It takes two to tango and the other people need to be in trouble as well and I hope they do.
"Don't let them off the hook so easily. They were coming to you. It takes two to have sex. So don't defend them."
As for her friends Faye, Zack and Angela I'm glad she has them. They were all very believable characters and were good friends to her and there when she needed them.
"I want to be Faye. I want to be fearless like her, bold like her. I want to figure out a way to be unapologetically myself, just like she has."
While this book wasn't easy to read it is important to read it. Because it deals with high school and sex in a very real way.
"All this time I thought I was in control, keeping the upper hand for myself, calling the shots, playing by my rules. But I haven't been , not really. Because I had the chance to fight back and I froze."
There we're some things that bothered me though: the fact that someone was videotaped having sex and the police never got involved, and child neglect. Not to mention rape and than attempted rape. Plus when Mercedes was telling a guy to just take control and not ask before sex also kind of bothered me. She should have given more instruction on that or just not mention it at all.
"It's funny how giving up control can actually end up putting things back into place. But that's what I'm learning, that too much of something ends up yielding the opposite reaction. It's a logic that has taken me the longest time to figure out but the shortest time to mend. And in two weeks my life goes from complete shambles to something resembling almost normal."
Joséphine
Written on Apr 16, 2016
That's not to say that I condone cheating. In fact, I usually downrate books that involve cheating. However, in the case of Firsts, there were consequences and it wasn't glorified either. Sure, Mercedes had a warped perception of things. To some degree, I'd say she had sociopathic tendencies, which made the book all the more compelling to read since I tried to understand the reasoning from her point of view. At the same time, I was glad for the inclusion of more conservative views from Angela. I also lived spirited and the non-judgmental Faye. All in all, Firsts brought together quite a spectrum of moral positions.
Ashley
Written on Feb 15, 2016
I knocked off a star because sometimes Mercedes could be really annoying. There was great character development but sometimes her meanness/aloofness/whateverness just went a bit too far for me and I'd resent her. I wanted to smack her and be like, JUST BE REAL WITH PEOPLE!!!!!!
But whatevs.
Still a fabulous book and I did sympathize with her pretty well. I could really see the complexity of the situation and how she got to where she was, but then was like, "How the hell did I get here?" Good intentions gone bad, I guess.
Leah
Written on Jan 10, 2016
I'm still not 100% sure how I felt about Firsts. Did I like what Mercy did, with those guys? No. Regardless of why she thought she was doing it, what she essentially was doing was cheating, as all of the guys had girlfriends. And you'd have to be pretty bloody naive to think it wasn't going to come out at some point, and it was like waiting for a car crash to happen; or to wait for that one guy who wanted nothing but revenge on Mercy, though I will say, it surprised me who was the one who sought out revenge. But, saying that, it's not as if Mercy deserved what happened when it all came out, that's not what I'm saying at all. It was just the kind of thing that was always going to cause trouble for Mercy.
But I actually liked Mercy. I didn't like what she did, and her reasons for doing it (I knew from almost the first page what had happened to Mercy to make her the way she is, and I kinda hate it when MC's use past incidents as the reason they are the way they are). Aside from all that, I did like her. I especially liked her when she was around her friends - Angela, Zach and the new, and very bouncy, Faye. Faye just came bouncing into the novel like a ray of sunshine, and she intrigued me because I wasn't sure for a long, long time if she was genuine or not. But I liked her, I liked Faye, and I loved Zach. Zach was like a little puppy, so eager and lovely, and his relationship with Mercy was very much like the one in The DUFF, a novel I LOVED.
This was only an okay read for me. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it. It never really got that spark for me. Like I said, it wasn't a bad read. And I liked Faye, Zach, I liked Mercy at times, but I wish she'd had a bit more emotion in her. There was no real explanation for her lack of emotions. And the way she treated her mom was unreal. I'd be slapped if I spoke to my mam like that, or called her by her real name. Maybe her mom wasn't there for her, but whenever she did try, Mercy wasn't interested and it was so frustrating, because she complained about her mom not trying, then complained when she tried and it was like ARGH. So, yeah, the book was basically okay. I applaud Flynn for the topic, it was very brave, but it wasn't executed enough for me to love it. Although I'm not sure how you can ever love a plot like that, so who knows what I'm saying. A more emotional, softer side of Mercy might have helped.
Linda
Written on Dec 21, 2015
Firsts is an emotional read, told from Mercedes' point of view. Mercy keeps everyone she knows at arms' length, and wants to be in control. As the story unfolds, it becomes very clear why that is, and my heart broke for her. The ending was a little 'too easy' for me, wrapped up too nicely for such a dark and gritty story.
Mercy's story in Firsts is one of an abandoned teen, where after her father left, her mother more or less checked out, and she was left to tend for herself with the strangest parental guidance I have ever read about. Kim, Mercy's mom, was more interested in how Mercy dressed - for success with the boys - than anything else. And for Mercy, control was very important, as was keeping her friends away from all her troubles. And as the story unfolds, the trauma of Mercy's past slowly comes to light, explaining in many ways why she had taken the decision to help virgin boys from her school to be somewhat experienced so that their first time with their virgin girlfriends could be as close to perfect as possible.
Because she was so smart when it came to everything that had to do with school, tutoring other kids in chemistry or physics, Mercy had broadened her horizons when she realized there was a way for her to help in other ways as well. And apart from her best friend, Angela, she hasn't let anyone close to her in a long time. Between prayer group and her extracurricular activities, she's a busy girl, and the way Kim is only in the periphery made me want to slap her to have her wake up and really get to know her troubled daughter. Firsts is about much more than the sex, though, it is about friendship and finding oneself, and I think that this was the hardest part for Mercy. Thinking about the past, letting people in, and trying to construct her future was like a puzzle with missing pieces for her.
Writing about sex in YA is never easy, and having the main female character sleep with different guys to help them be good for their boyfriends was an angle I hadn't seen before I picked up Firsts. I really loved that there was no judging, and also that Mercy always made sure that only safe sex was happening, as she had a wide variety of condoms to go with her 'teaching'. The only guy she slept with more than once was Zach, and while he wanted nothing more than being her boyfriend, he let her keep him at arms length in the hope that she would come to her senses at a later time.
Firsts is a complicated story, where Mercy is afraid of being found out, but she can't make herself stop helping just one more guy. So between the fear of being exposed and the need for validation, her tight-rope becomes tighter as the story moves forward. Written in first person present tense, the I felt like I was right there with Mercy, and the only hope I had was that no matter where the chips fell in the end, she would come out on the other side still being strong, and with a more accomplished feeling of self.
I wish there was a way I could take the Watcher off my list, but that's the thing about sex. Once it happens, it can't unhappen.
What I couldn't tell him was that I wanted, for some desperate reason, for Jillian's first time to be what mine never was. Jillian was everything I wasn't - pure, innocent, and unaware of how much pain the opposite sex could inflict, physically and emotionally. I wanted her to stay unaware.
I really feel for guys. They have the hard part, physically and emotionally. Virginity is supposed to be something a girl gives up only when she is ready and feels comfortable, something a girl discusses at length with her friends and flip-flops over a million times in her mind before actually doing it. A guy is expected to be born ready.
Angie
Written on Nov 29, 2015
The description of Firsts is so unique and bold! I knew I had to read it, and I'm so glad that I did! Mercedes isn't like other girls. But not in that annoying way that all other YA heroines aren't like other girls. Mercedes gives sex lessons to virgin boyfriends so that they can make their girlfriends' first times not suck. So yeah, she has sex with other girls' boyfriends, but not in a malicious way. She's helping. Or at least she thinks so, as long as the truth doesn't get out.
Firsts was wonderful! I loved Mercedes and her thought processes! She's clearly a caring person, even if maybe her way of helping others is unorthodox. But she's also a scientist and approaches her lessons that way. She's very logical about how she handles these boys. Of course, her process gets thrown off and things start slowly unraveling until she's left with a big ol' mess!
There's just two minor things that nagged at me about Firsts. The first being Mercedes' mother. She's one of those women who cannot deal with getting older. She's had plenty of cosmetic procedures, she dates younger men, dresses way younger than she is, and is generally just not very grown up. She also basically encourages Mercedes to have boys over and skip school. Not very good parenting. However, there's never any explanation for her behavior, and at times it just felt unbelievable. Almost like a convenient way for Mercedes to do what she's doing without getting caught. Mercedes hates her mother, and there's no resolution to this at the end either.
The second thing, was that after the big drama happens (and it's great drama!), I couldn't help but wonder why no one thought about taking legal action. I honestly didn't expect Mercedes to actually do it, because she didn't want this thing to become a bigger thing than it was. But it doesn't cross a single character's mind that Mercedes is 17 and what's been done to her is illegal. It was the first thing that popped into my head when it happened.
But other than those two things, Firsts is pretty awesome. I have never, ever, ever read anything even remotely similar to this before. It's was so refreshing! Teenage girls have sex! Most of them probably don't teach hands on sex ed to other girls' boyfriends, but they're doing it! They can enjoy it (Mercedes also has a guy that she regularly sleeps with for fun)! It was just a really great read and covered an important topic in a unique way.
Read more of my reviews at Pinkindle Reads & Reviews.
shannonmiz
Written on Nov 24, 2015
True story: I did not think I would like this book at all. Mercedes seemed like someone I would not be able to connect with, and I didn't exactly think she was making great life choices based on the synopsis. But alas, here I am, wrong again.
Well, I wasn't wrong about Mercedes's terrible life choices. But we'll get to all that. First, the thing that had me worried about reading it? It could have gone two ways: the crude, wildly inappropriate way that would have made me cringe, OR the classy, issues-driven book about a girl struggling with so many societal pressures that would make me applaud the author. If you read no more of this review, please understand that it was the latter. Ms. Flynn did this book an amazing amount of justice, and I am kind of blown away that this is her debut. The writing was fabulous, and just set the tone of this book perfectly.
Right off the bat, I didn't exactly love Mercedes. I was a lot like her friend Angela, minus the religion (and the boyfriend, but whatever) in high school. Mercedes was having sex with a lot of different guys, but she legitimately seemed to believe that it was a good thing. That was when I started to realize that Mercedes was a lot more than met the eye: she really wasn't doing any of the things she did out of malice.
I found that there were quite a few things in the book that really appealed to me overall:
1. Mercedes and her relationships
Obviously, this girl is going through stuff. Now, let me get something out of the way: The book in no way says that having sex means that there's something wrong. Not even close! It's absolutely sex-positive, but also delved into a lot of the deeper issues of Mercedes's character, which yes, happened to include sex. We'll get into that more later.
Mercedes has a lot of aspects of her life to juggle when we first meet her. Her mom is a mess, and honestly one of the worst parents in the history of ever. She's absent often, and when she is around, she is giving Mercedes some of the worst "advice" I have ever heard. Usually, this would bother me (the Parent-in-YA Syndrome, I mean), but in this book and context, it makes sense. Because I am pretty sure that my parents, who spent every evening with their asses glued to the couch when I was a teenager, would notice a steady stream of soon-to-be-not virgins parading in and out of my room.
Then Mercedes has to deal with friendships. She has some relationships that she hasn't really opened up in (with Angela), and a new, budding relationship with someone who really cares (Faye). In addition, there is the one guy she lets herself sleep with more than once, Zach, who is awesome. Can I please reiterate how much I adore Zach? We need more of him in the world. He legitimately cares for Mercedes, but she is too scared to be vulnerable. These are things that she has to discover and figure out during the course of the story. Is it too late for some of these relationships?
Mercedes is also very intelligent and driven, which was fabulous. She really wanted to take charge of her life, and was quite driven. I was so glad that there was so much more to Mercedes than her sexual proclivities.
2. Sex portrayed in a realistic manner
What I mean by this is that sex was neither totally positive all the time, nor was it a bad thing. It was as it is in most situations: dependant on a lot of factors. Mercedes having sex was never seen as a negative in the book. Mercedes having sex because she thought that was all she was worth, that was a negative. Guys thinking that sex was something they were "owed" was a negative. But consensual, appropriate sexual encounters? Those were great! Encouraged, even.
It also was never romanticized. These guys were awkward, because well, that's what Mercedes was there for. It wasn't some kind of amazing passionate affair, a lot of it was downright cringe worthy. And there were frank conversations about safe sex and birth control, which was fabulous, and incredibly important. Really I don't think there can ever be enough of this in YA. I mean, Mercedes always had protection for herself, there was no shame and embarrassment, which is awesome. Plus, it allows me to use this gif that I have been saving for eons:
3. The Slut-Shaming
Man, does this make me stabby. First, there's the comments and the general nastiness aimed at a girl just for having sex. Then there's the reaction that if she wanted to have sex with one person, obviously she wants to have sex with all the people. Which is so ridiculously wrong I cannot even begin to explain. And there are guys who want to take advantage of this. There are some characters who will make you so, so angry, and they should. It's kind of like the whole "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" thing. None of us is free of skeletons, of secrets, of things about ourselves we wish we could change. And just because Mercedes's sexual history ended up being made into public information (which is a whole other really big issue of invasion), that's no reason to somehow think she's "less than".
4. The Double Standard
If the slut-shaming made me stabby, consider this homicidal. Who decided that this was a thing? If a guy and a girl had sex... they both had sex. Why is it somehow fine for the guy, but not for the girl? Someone seriously needs to explain this to me before my head explodes. And the even more ridiculous irony (and this is pretty accurate in life, not just this book) is that even though the guys were the ones who did the actual cheating on their girlfriends, everyone- girlfriends included- were mad at Mercedes, and in most cases not the guys at all! Can we please, as a society, stop this nonsense?
5. The Progression
God, Mercedes had so much to learn about herself. And even by the end, she still does. When the book starts, Mercedes simply won't give herself a break. She's so hard on herself, gets mad at her own emotions, and keeps absolutely everyone at arm's length. Really, her journey has a lot of components- and the sexual stuff only plays a small part. She is a young woman trying to navigate life under some tough circumstances, and it's okay to make mistakes, but Mercedes has to let herself off the hook first.
There were only a few small things about the book that bothered me, and most of them were just believability issues. There were some coincidences that were just too similar for me to ignore, but it didn't really take away from the story too much. Some of the events that happened were also a bit over the top to be plausible, but for the purpose of the story (and the takeaway for Mercedes) they worked. I just had to take it with a grain of salt.
Bottom Line: The messages in this book are not to be missed. Though I thought I'd feel a bit weird about Mercedes, I ended up having a great amount of empathy for her, and was rooting for her, because she deserved to have people in her corner. Firsts is both a lovely and gutsy debut that I am happy to have taken a chance on.
Jo
Written on Oct 28, 2015
I think we can all agree that Twitter is a wonderful thing. If it wasn't for a retweet of a retweet of a tweet about Firsts by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn, I wouldn't have heard about the book when I did, I wouldn't have gone to NetGalley to request it, I wouldn't have been accepted, and I wouldn't have reviewed Firsts for Sex in Teen Lit Month II. I'm so glad I did see that twice retweeted tweet, because this book is amazing!
Mercedes has come up with an idea to help the female virgins in her school: she will have sex with their virginal boyfriends and show them exactly what to do and how, and what to say, so that when they have sex with their girlfriends, the girls will get the perfect first time. Not only does she show them what to do during the act of having sex, but she helps them plan the perfect night leading up to it. All she asks is that they keep it to themselves, unless there's another virgin who needs her help. The guys are so grateful that someone will show them how, someone who has no expectations of them, they're practically queueing up to learn from her. But the number of virgins is racking up, though, to more than Mercedes expected, and she's starting to have trouble justifying her good-deeds. Who is she doing this for? How is she going to deal with her best friend's boyfriend, Charlie, wanting a go? And why is she so put off by the idea of something more than sex from Zach, her Wednesday hook-up lunch date?
This book! Oh my god, I can't tell you how good this is! When I first read the description of the book, I couldn't really understand how Mercedes could believe what she was doing was a good idea: she's sleeping with other girls' boyfriends! This is not on! But when reading the book, you can really understand her motivation. Her own first time was as awful as it could be, and she just wants to make sure other girls have a better memory than she does. At first, she truly believes that she's doing something good. She feels good about herself afterwards, because she's helping people out; she knows these girls are going to have as good an experience as possible, because of her advice. She likes that she's able to help them. But at the same time, as you're reading you're still thinking, "Ok, Mercedes, I get where you're coming from... but this is not ok. You can't have sex with other people's boyfriends, no matter what your intentions! This is all going to backfire on you!"
The thing is, Mercedes has her issues. There is the experience of her own first time, which we're not told much about for most of the story. There are subtle hints here and there about what happened, but not enough to be sure. I had several theories that I would go back and forth on, one of which was the correct one, but by the time I twigged that was definitely what happened before it's outright said, I had already settled on another theory. Then there's her relationship with her mother, who is constantly chasing youth and the next man. Kim is all about botox, dieting, dressing for men, and she's hardly ever around. I could understand Mercedes dislike of her, but I think there was a lack of communication going on. Kim is clueless, and gives Mercedes all the wrong advice, but I did feel like she actually cared, even if she was misguided about what was right for Mercedes, which in her opinion had to do with guys. When Kim does realise that Mercedes is having different guys over, she almost seems to approve, which is the opposite of what Mercedes wants from her mother. Because of all her issues, Mercedes just wants to control her life.
Which is part of the reason she keeps pushing Zach away. Oh, Zach! He was just the nicest, sweetest guy, and he's so into Mercedes, but she keeps pushing her way. She is only interested in his body, and doesn't like him touching her during the act in any way that is to personal or intimate. She must have control of this area. She cannot be with Zach, or anyone else. She is not going to have some walk out on her again. This way, she calls the shots, she has the power, she is in control. Just the way she likes it.
But when new girl Faye starts school, who is drop dead gorgeous, and so wants to be Mercedes friend, Mercedes has a problem. Because now Zach is looking at Faye the way he used to look at her. And she does not like it one bit. She doesn't want him, but no-one else can have him either. And Faye... she tries so hard to make friends with Mercedes, but she's just not having any of it for a good while. Another person who wants to be let in. She just doesn't have the mental space for either of them. It's almost like she can't afford to care. But things start happening that give Mercedes cause to pause; although Faye enjoys Zach's attention and seems to be interested too, she's also flirting with Mercedes. Or is she? What's with all the touching? And what's with getting so close? And why is Mercedes not sure whether she wants Faye to step back or get closer? This is a really interesting part of the story, because for a lot of it, I had no idea where it was going to go. Is Mercedes bi, maybe? Or perhaps she's just questioning because it's new, and she's never had a girl seem to take interest in her? Will it be Faye? Will it be Zach? Will it be someone else entirely? Will it be no-one? I HAD NO CLUE! And I seriously loved it! It's a real treat when you're reading a book and you really have no real theories of what's lying ahead. It was the same with Mercedes' own experience of losing her virginity, I just wasn't sure what would turn out actually happened. And it was so refreshing to be guessing the whole time! That's the norm for mysteries, not for contemporaries/romances! This story is so unpredictable, it's wonderful!
There's more I could talk about in regards to the plot, but I'm worried about spoiling things, and this review is also quite long, and I really want to talk about the sexual aspect of the story, now. It was never graphic; some things are described, but not in huge detail, and most of the time it felt so clinical. Mercedes sleeping with these virgins was not about her own sexual pleasure. For most of the guys, she didn't get any pleasure from it at all, it was about giving pointers. Zach is the only person to have got her off, as she puts it, which is probably half the reason she keeps having sex with him; this time it's about pleasure and control. But even in the few sex scenes with Zach, it still feels kind of clinical, and I think that's because emotionally, Mercedes is just not there. It feels different from other books with no-strings sex, and I think this is to do with Mercedes issues. It's not just about purely physical pleasure, it's about control, and I think she gets more from the control aspect of sex than she does from Zach making her feel good. When things between them get difficult later, and Zach actually wants to talk to her and have conversations about things, Mercedes response is to try to turn him on and get him to have sex with her. She can't do real talk. Sex is what she understands, sex is where she has the power.
This book also had some really interesting to say about virginity. Mercedes talks about how for girls, it's expected that their first time is meant to be this important thing they give to someone when they feel ready, after conversations with friends and she's finally comfortable to do so, but for guys, they're expected to always be ready, and know what they're doing, and make sure they're gentle and give their girlfriends a magical experience, when that's just not going to happen because they're also scared.
There was one small thing I had an issue with though; Mercedes is with one of the virgins and she's straddling him while topless when she asks what he would say to his girlfriend in this position, and he responds that he would tell her she's beautiful, and ask if he could touch her boobs. Mercedes tells him that he should always tell her she's beautiful, but he should never ask to do something. Instead, he should be bold, because confidence should be faked until he is confident. But this set off alarms for me; of course he should ask! Consent is required! I think it's really crappy advice, and it's better to ask maybe a couple of times - not necessarily if he's allowed, but if she's wants him to. "Is this ok? Are you happy for us to go further?" - asking that would be awesome, and you know, would not only make her feel more at ease with saying "no" if that's the case, but also prevent sexual assault. Just because she said yes at the start, doesn't mean it's yes the whole way through, or that she won't change her mind. "Never ask" is just so wrong. And I seriously cannot believe how Mercedes would think asking permission to go forward, asking if she's comfortable, would be a bad thing. Not only do I think it's wrong, but I don't think it's true to the character, either.
But overall, Firsts is a really awesome book, and a fantastic debut novel! I'm really excited to see what the rest of you think when it's released in January. I'm looking forward to seeing what else Flynn writes in future!
Thank you to St. Martin's Griffin via NetGalley for the eProof.