I'm Not Missing

by Carrie Fountain

"It's senior year, and Miranda Black's best friend, Syd, has run away--suddenly and inexplicably, leaving behind nothing but a pink leopard print cell phone with a text message from the mysterious HIM. Everyone wants to know why Syd left, but the truth is, Miranda has no idea. When Miranda's mother abandoned her as a child, Miranda had found shelter in her friendship with Syd, who wore her own motherlessness like a badge of honor. Now Miranda's been left behind again, left to untangle the questions of why Syd left, where she is--and if she's even a friend worth saving, all while stumbling into first love with the most unlikely boy in school. How do you take on the future when it feels like so much of your past wasn't even real?"--Amazon.com.

• ISBN10: 1250132517
• ISBN13: 9781250132512
• Publish Date: 10 July 2018
• Publish Status: Out of Print
• Out of Print: 10 November 2021
• Imprint: Flatiron Books
• Format: Hardcover
• Pages: 336
• Language: English

Reviews

[Sam@WLABB]

After a display of bizarre behavior, Miranda's best friend, Syd, disappeared.

"I'm not missing. I'm gone."

This was the note Syd left for her father, but it was a crushing blow to Miranda, who was already dealing with prior desertions. Syd was her guide, her best friend, and supporter, and now Miranda was left to navigate the world without her.

This was such a beautiful story of love: platonic love between best friends, familial love, and first love.

The friendship between Syd and Miranda was built on a foundation of shared pain. Both were abandoned by their mothers at young ages, but their circumstances were quite different. While Syd lived in a home devoid of love, Miranda was lucky to have a father, who adored her, and attempted to fill in those holes left by her mother. Though I do believe Syd held Miranda back some, I never questioned her love for Miranda at any point.

Like I said, Miranda was fortunate to have a fantastic father. He was forced to grow as a parent, when Miranda's mother left, and he more than rose to the occasion. They had an incredible relationship, which was so genuine and heartwarming. Despite all the affection, Miranda still struggled a little with her identity, because she looked more like her Latina mother, than her white father, and this was something that burdened her throughout the book.

I saved my favorite "love" for last, because I am such a sap and love a good romance, which Fountain so wonderfully delivered. Watching these two navigate their feelings was such a treat. They were terribly adorable, and the way they fumbled through many of their interactions was so endearing and realistic. I adored that they talked to each other, like really talked to each other about important things, and I was especially pleased with the way Fountain navigated the physical side of their relationship. Consent was explicitly discussed, and I think it was extremely important in the context of this story.

There was a lot of exploration of different kinds of love, but there was also a little mystery infused via Syd's disappearance. Miranda searched for Syd on and off throughout the story, and she stumbled upon clues, which eventually revealed the real reason why Syd fled. But, what I enjoyed most was how Miranda found herself as she was searching for Syd. Without Syd running the show, Miranda was forced to rely on herself more, and as a result, she grew a great deal. She came to terms with some things from her past, which had been haunting her, and because of this, was able to look forward to her future.

Overall: A heartbreaking and heartwarming story of first love, facing change, and finding yourself in the wake of huge losses.

*ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.

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