So You're ...
11 total works
Are you suffering from a hangover destined to last as long as the non-stop drinking binge that was your twenties? Do you remember the Spice Girls when they really were girls? If you’ve answered ‘Yes!’ to any of the above, then you must be reaching that epic milestone: 30. On the bright side, at least you’re not 40!
Your life may now consist of sleeping during sex instead of after it and going to more funerals than weddings.
On the bright side, you can get away with making no effort whatsoever to lose weight. And all those charities you gave to - it's payback time!
You may now expect a dirty weekend to involve nothing more exciting than cleaning out the garden shed, and you may find yourself being snubbed even by high-street canvassers.
On the bright side, you can take delight in the fact that you will never again have to force yourself into groaningly tight fashion jeans - or pretend to like tequila slammers.
It’s the best of times and the worst of times. You’re welcoming a new addition to the family, but you’re now officially old. You’re also an eternal babysitter. On the plus side, you can enjoy spoiling the little darlings rotten and hand them back at the end of the day before the nappies start overflowing.
Congratulations! It seems only yesterday that your eyes first met – or perhaps it doesn’t, now you have matching jumpers, his ’n’ hers TV chairs and the weekly argument over taking out the rubbish.
On the bright side, it’s time to celebrate another year in love and look forward to sharing nose-hair removers and a mobility scooter made for two!
You may never now become a rock star or regain the waist size you had at 18. You have taken a sudden interest in bleeding your radiators and figuring out the best route by road to anywhere in the country. On the bright side, you can feel smug that you have better grammar than a university student and don’t have to dig out your embarrassing passport photo to get into pubs or buy alcohol.
Have you taken a sudden liking to leather clothing three sizes too small? Are you considering a sexier upgrade to your car or even your partner? It’s only the small matter of a mid-life crisis. On the bright side, attempting to recapture your youth can be a lot of fun. Who said there’s anything wrong with growing old disgracefully?
We all have birthdays and the older we get, the quicker they come around. Despite the dodgy knitted cardi from your gran and reduced sale items from your dotty aunt, your birthday should be a day to remember. On the bright side, at least you’ve got a valid excuse for any wild and drunken behaviour.
You may now be bored of the novelty of a free bus pass, hair may be growing in unusual places and you’ll never make it through the late night feature without nodding off.
On the bright side, you can look forward to tearing up the pavement on your own top-of-the-range mobility scooter.
At your grand old age, it’s probably too late to take up pole dancing and the closest thing you get to extreme sports these days is prising the top off a ketchup bottle.
On the bright side, you can now lie back and take it easy – just not so far back that you can’t get yourself up again. And just think – it’s only 20 years before you get that telegram from the Queen!
The perfect gift for anyone reaching this milestone age.
You’re free to do what you want, when you want and how you want. You’ll have time to swim with dolphins and see the Pyramids, but not the energy unfortunately. On the bright side, you can smirk at the morning traffic reports while you soak in the bath.