Night Life
3 total works
A very funny self help guide by Amy Mah (Vampire) for teenage vampire girls, the guide is fully illustrated and is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire. Q. What is fashionable to wear when eating out? A. Well you are a vampire so whatever you wear it is fashionable and normally black to help hide the blood stains, Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp, the food appreciates a well dressed vampire with well polished fangs and claws. Should you let a boy bite you on the first date? Sigh of course not it’s a date he has to hunt for the dinner.Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset
The strange and unusual life of Amy Mah (Vampire) a very bored and downtrodden teenage vampire girl. What makes the book different from the normal run of the mill vampire novel is the main character's cynical view of the undead world around her, and to help bring the undead world to life the has sketches by the famous manga artist Heby scattered throughout the book. The Plot: Amy Mah was a Vampire, a blood sucking denizen of the night, or she would have been if it was not a school night, and to make matters worse she had just bitten herself (again), instead of her snack for the evening, a nice large and very bloody raw steak which having dropped out of her fingers was now leaving a very interesting stain on her new white t-shirt, and no matter how interesting a stain it made it did not make her mood any better. Amy knew from bitter experience that being a teenage vampire was not as much fun as the movies showed and as for the books about vampires, well they were all so wrong, for a start she could not fly but she could eat garlic, and as for going out in the sunshine, she did not glow or burst into flames, all that strong sunlight did was give her spots.
So yes without sun block and a baseball cap the sun was dangerous as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne.
So yes without sun block and a baseball cap the sun was dangerous as she could be the first teenager in history to die from terminal acne.
This very funny vampire novel is very different from your normal vampire book and not just because it is bursting with full colour art fitted in with the text showing the life of a young vampire forced to walk about in a transparent nightdress all day without underwear because that is what female vampires are supposed to do! Unlike the undead sex mad vampire maids, Amy was a living vampire and the main difference apart from having better teeth and a pulse, meant she felt and suffered the cold invasive winds blowing along the corridors, most female vampire called them male winds due to the way they were always trying to rip the nightdresses off them. From fighting in skin tight painted on body suits to learning to hang upside down from a ceiling in a nightdress without showing the world what you had for lunch, was just the start of her vampire training program.
And yes it's normal for a girl to dream about Guys, even if the girl happens to be a blood sucking denizen of the night - - - - It's just that this denizen wishes the dreams could involve chocolates and holding hands and not leaping out on someone, ripping his shirt off and demanding to know what blood type he is, well at least not on the first date. (Amy the vampire: - - "The massacre on 22nd and 3rd was greatly exaggerated by the human newspapers and not altogether my fault. It was my very first hunting trip, and a girl should not be judged by her first bite night. And no one ever talks about me saving the life of that cat. Besides, most of them kind of killed themselves without any help from me." - - - - - "And before tonight it was only one male that I killed by ripping his throat out with my teeth." - - - - "And no, I did not then eat him. I don't normally eat vampires. I think I just chewed and swallowed what I had in my mouth after I bit him. That was all, and it was not that he even tasted that good. Besides, it was only three or four mouthfuls before he threw me off.")
And yes it's normal for a girl to dream about Guys, even if the girl happens to be a blood sucking denizen of the night - - - - It's just that this denizen wishes the dreams could involve chocolates and holding hands and not leaping out on someone, ripping his shirt off and demanding to know what blood type he is, well at least not on the first date. (Amy the vampire: - - "The massacre on 22nd and 3rd was greatly exaggerated by the human newspapers and not altogether my fault. It was my very first hunting trip, and a girl should not be judged by her first bite night. And no one ever talks about me saving the life of that cat. Besides, most of them kind of killed themselves without any help from me." - - - - - "And before tonight it was only one male that I killed by ripping his throat out with my teeth." - - - - "And no, I did not then eat him. I don't normally eat vampires. I think I just chewed and swallowed what I had in my mouth after I bit him. That was all, and it was not that he even tasted that good. Besides, it was only three or four mouthfuls before he threw me off.")