This Song Is (Not) For You

by Laura Nowlin

Ramona fell for Sam the moment she met him. It was like she had known him forever. He’s one of the few constants in her life, and their friendship is just too important to risk for a kiss. Though she really wants to kiss him…
Sam loves Ramona, but he would never expect her to feel the same way—she’s too quirky and cool for someone like him. Still, they complement each other perfectly, both as best friends and as a band.
Then they meet Tom. Tom makes music too, and he’s the band’s missing piece. The three quickly become inseparable. Except Ramona’s falling in love with Tom. But she hasn’t fallen out of love with Sam either.  How can she be true to her feelings without breaking up the band?
“Educators and librarians looking for fast-moving, interesting plots, in-depth characters, and meaningful themes need to add this one to their shelves.”—VOYA praise for If He Had Been with Me

• ISBN10: 1492602906
• ISBN13: 9781492602903
• Publish Date: 5 January 2016
• Publish Status: Active
• Out of Print: 11 June 2024
• Publish Country: US
• Imprint: Sourcebooks Fire
• Format: Paperback (US Trade)
• Pages: 240
• Language: English

Reviews

[Sam@WLABB]

I LOVED If He Had Been with Me, and was pretty excited to see a new book from Laura Nowlin.

I really liked the lyrical quality of Nowlin's writing, and found it interesting, that most of the book is told from within each of the three MCs heads. There is not a lot of dialog, but rather more reflection and narration. I adored Romona. She was so quirky, full of life, and full of love. When she spoke about her mother, my heart ached, and when she tried to mend fences with Emmalyn, I just fell more in love with her huge heart.

I was always just trying o be myself. I'm sorry we didn't get along.

Sam was also very special. The way he pined away for Ramona, and would accept any love that she could give him. They really had a very special friendship.

Sam, who I knew was my Sam as soon as I met him.

Tom was so intense and so complicated. I though the exploration of his sexuality was quite interesting. Asexuality is not something I am well versed in, and therefore, cannot comment on the success or failure, but I was intrigued to learn more. I really appreciated that Nowlin shared some of Tom's struggle with us. His trying to do more with girls, and going to a doctor to confirm that he was ok. Some of Tom's confessions were quite heartbreaking.

I wanted to be with you more than I ever wanted to be with anyone before. And I loved holding you. And I even liked kissing you, because I loved you. But because my body isn't interested in doing more, you left me. It made my love less valuable to you.

I have read other reviews, and most people are commenting on the love triangle. It was odd for me, but more jarring was the resolution, because it was sort of abrupt and odd. But, that does not change my opinion of the book as a whole, because this book is about so much more. This is a book about love, friendship, family, loss, moving on, making your own path -- so many things. There are so many sweet, adorable, and fun moments. I look forward to more from Nowlin.

[Jo]

Originally posted on Once Upon a Bookcase.

WARNING! There will be major spoilers in this review. There is a diverse element to this story that I have never come across before in YA, nor heard of from others in books I'm yet to read. Because of this, I think it's important to discuss this particular diverse element for the purposes of discussing representation. However, discussing this element will mean spoiling a big part of the book, so if you do not wish to have This Song Is (Not) For You spoiled for you, please be sure not to read the spoilers hidden below.

I originally requested This Song Is (Not) For You by Laura Nowlin from NetGalley because I thought Ramona's situation sounded like a really awkward one to be in, and would make a really interesting book. But it went from one I was mildly interested in to one I definitely had to read when it was praised on Twitter for having an asexual main character, and it was such a fascinating read.

Ramona and Sam have been friends for years after bonding over their passion for music. They're inseparable, and both have feelings for each other, but are certain the other is not interested. When they meet Tom at a music college, they know they've found the final piece for their band, and the three soon become very close friends. But it's not long before Ramona starts falling for Tom - while she's still in love with Sam. Tom seems to be interested in her too, and as Ramona knows nothing will happen with Sam, she and Tom start dating. The three spend almost all their spare time together, and seeing Ramona and Tom together is so painful for Sam. But there's something about Tom that neither of them know.

What I found really strange about This Song Is (Not) For You is how much I enjoyed it considering how little I connected with the characters. Each of the three characters narrate alternately, and it's the kind of book you fly through, but the pacing means that months go by in a flash. There's something about these characters that felt different; I can't say we don't really get to know them, because we do, and I don't dislike them, but I didn't warm to any of them, either. I just didn't get emotionally involved in this book. But I still enjoyed it, and was gripped by their story.

I wasn't too interested in the music element of the book; they don't play my kind of music, it's kind of experimental, I guess, and just not something I'm interested in. But even if it was, I still think the relationships between all three characters would have been the major pull for me. This is the first YA novel I've come across where a character is genuinely in love with two people at once, without there being some kind of magical reason as to why. Granted, I didn't feel that love, the development of the relationships was kind of lacking for me, but from the way the story was written it's clear that this is love that Ramona feels for Sam and Tom, and not just a crush or intense infatuation. She's actually in love with them both. Which is a difficult situation to be in; even if she ends up with Tom, she's not with Sam, and she can't just turn off her feelings. And it's even more awkward and kind of tragic when the reader knows that Sam is in love with Ramona, too. As I said, I didn't make the emotional connection that I wanted, but there were moments when Sam talks about his feelings for Ramona and unrequited love (we know it's not, but as far as he's concerned, it is) that were really beautiful, moments I could relate to.

Tom was a fascinating character, and one I loved being inside the head of. I was celebrating whenever he discussed his feelings regarding sex. Tom is asexual. The word is never used in the book, but he discusses a few times his lack of sexual feeling and complete disinterest in sex. His ex-girlfriend broke up with him because she thought he was gay and in denial, because he never showed any interest in going further than kissing, despite his claims that he simply just didn't want to have sex. We have very few asexual characters in YA, and so far, I've only read one other book with an asexual character - Quicksilver by R. J. Anderson. What's wonderful about This Song Is (Not) For You is that it shows an asexual character who falls in love. I'd be interested to know if any of the other ace YA books published show this, but it was great to see Tom wanting and enjoying a romantic relationship, but not wanting a sexual one.


Eventually, Sam opens up to Ramona about his feelings. It occurs to him that he wants to be with Ramona, but that doesn't necessarily mean exclusively. If the only way he can be with Ramona is by sharing her with Tom, he's ok with that, and Ramona considers it. This is before either he or Ramona know about Tom's asexuality. There's more that happens, but in the end, the three decide to have a joint relationship - a polyamorous relationship. Sam loves both of them, Ramona romantically, Tom platonically, and Tom the same, and neither want to hurt the other because of their feelings for Ramona. Ramona can be with both the boys she loves, and have a physical relationship with Sam, and Tom won't be left again because he's not interested in sex. Ramona makes a great comment about how before she knew about Tom's feelings regarding sex, she would have demanded monogamy, but she does want a sexual relationship, so would have left him if the three of them didn't come up with this arrangement.

It was really fascinating to me to see how they worked this out, and how everyone was happy with their relationship. It's not something I've read before, nor something I've really come across outside of the TV programme Caprica, which I'd only seen bits and pieces of because my dad watched it. This Song Is (Not) For You is going to be groundbreaking for YA when it comes to polyamory, and I do hope to read more in the future. I'd be fascinated to see a polyamorous relationship without an asexual character, and to actually see how that relationship works - as This Song Is Not (For) You ends shortly after the three decide on their relationship.

This Song Is (Not) For You is a really fascinating, gripping and eye-opening novel, and despite my lack of emotional connection, one I would highly recommend.

Thank you to Sourcebooks via NetGalley for the eProof.