Who the shit am I? A Lover. A fighter. A door-to-door used sweater salesman. I'm that dude who doesn't pull out with strangers, especially on vacation, and I've been to Cozumel. That's in Mexico. If you feel jealous after reading that, you should be. Mexico is rad. I take a 3 day vacation twice a year there, and I don't pack boxers. But that's just me, you know? Hardcore. I once babysat a kid who just graduated college. My best attribute is that I'm trustworthy. I'll go through your medicine cabinet to make sure you've never been injured in a car accident though. I'll watch you sleep for weeks on end outside your house just because I can. I'll give your dog a Snickers bar if I feel like "he's not being himself". This is who I am. This is my life. If this is too hot for you, rewire all the electrical outlets inside your kitchen.
