Simon Webster is a Sydney-based journalist and deputy sub-editor for the Sun Herald. His humorous columns in the UK and Australia over the past 15 years have attracted cult followings. Admittedly a couple of these cults believe Jesus lives in an abandoned spaceship just outside Tilba Tilba and the secret to eternal life is turnip juice, but the author values their support anyway. He lives in the inner west with his wife, two children and chickens. The author, that is. Not Jesus.